Desperate: I'll Do Anything for Love Read online

  Several times I’d expressed to him that he didn’t have to lie to kick it with me, but he would lie and say that he knew that and that he wasn’t lying about anything, when clearly he was. The only good thing about him was that he’d had a good piece of meat and he’d known just what to do with it too. And that’s all I’d really cared about anyway. We were just sex partners, but I caught him in lie after lie, so one day, I decided that I was going to teach him a lesson.

  I always asked him if he was seeing other people, of course he’d said no, but I knew that he was. I’d spotted him several times with the same woman and even followed them to her house one day. I’d asked him to come over one night, but he’d said that he was home, sick with the flu, and that he would call me the next morning. I knew that he was lying so I got butt, butterball, naked, and put on a trench coat. I went by his house first. Of course he wasn’t there sick like he’d claimed to be. So I went by hers. He was there. I walked right up to her door, knocked on it and then opened the coat. She damn near passed out seeing me there, standing with all of my goodies for her to see.

  I told her that Antwan told me to meet him there for a threesome. I even showed her nasty pictures of him that I had in my phone so that she would be positive that Antwan and I were sexual active. And so he couldn’t deny it. She immediately started cursing and fussing and called Antwan to the door. He saw me and instantly started trying to explain. He'd tried to lie his way out of it. He was so bad of a liar that he was trying to convince both of us that he was innocent, when clearly he was caught. And come to find out, he was actually supposed to be in a relationship with her. I’d walked away as he was still lying to her and I laughed as she put him out and slammed the door behind him. He tried to approach my car and I sped off before he could even say a word. I never saw or spoke to him again and I didn’t lose a wink of sleep over it either. He meant nothing to me so I did what I did just for a little humor, but Elroy lying to me; now that was going to be a different story. It was no laughing matter. Trust me.

  I shook away my frustrations and I headed to the mall. Now that I had the rest of the day to myself, nothing would pass time like a little shopping. Between work and Elroy, I didn’t get to do much of anything else. I guess waiting on the wedding, if there was even going to be one, might not be too bad of an idea after all because I didn’t know how I was going to find the time to plan one. But then again, I had more than enough family that I was sure wouldn’t mind pulling it together.

  I was Latino and Black. My mother was Latino and my father, Roger Thomas, was the strongest, smartest black man that I knew. I have ten brothers and sisters and I believe that I was at about twenty-seven nieces and nephews. One of my sisters, Maria, stayed pregnant. Literally. It was so bad that you would have thought that she was a spokesperson for sperm! I mean, seriously, it was just that bad! I didn’t even buy her baby shower gifts anymore. I was done supporting her and her husband’s nasty little habit. The only way that they would ever get another baby shower gift out of me again was if I could write it off as an expense on my taxes!

  I was starting to believe that somehow she’d gotten my share of eggs. To date, I’d never been pregnant, and I was the only one of my sibling without at least one kid and everyone seemed to notice; especially me. I was past ready to start my own family. My family was huge and I’d always wanted that for myself. Now that I was right at thirty, I had to face the fact that I might not get it the way that I’d planned, but if I could get just one husband and two babies, I would be fine with that.

  Still dressed in my work clothes, finally I made it inside of the mall. My first stop was to buy about five pair of shoes. As if I didn’t already have enough. But I worked hard and I deserved it.

  “Um, um, um,” a gentleman said behind me as I walked out of the shoe store and headed for a bridal store. You know, just to have a look.

  “Excuse me,” he said as I walked on.

  I was proud to say after years of being something like the ugly duckling, finally, I had it going on and I knew it too. I was sexy, smart, and my body was just right in all of the right places. I used to be a big girl, all of my childhood and even back in college. But now that I was attractive, times were different and so were the men these days. Stability at this point in my life was what I needed most. True, genuine love, respect and companionship, were at the top of my list and most men couldn’t even give you two of those things, let alone give you all of them. That’s why I’d always felt so lucky to have Elroy. At least that was before finding the receipt.

  “Excuse me.”

  “I heard you the first time. My silence was a dead giveaway that I was ignoring you.”

  “Dang, why you gotta’ act like that Ma?”

  First of all, any man that called me “Ma” was definitely not on my level. I had a name and if he didn’t have the decency to ask for it, I was sure that he could have found something more appealing and pleasing to my ears other than “Ma”. I wanted to ask him, “Do I look like your old ass mama to you?” Luckily, for him, I was trying to get better with the things that I said to people. I had Elroy to thank for that. I’d spent so much time pretending to be nice that I actually was turning into a fairly nice person; until I was upset or until I wanted my way.

  I turned to face him.

  “Um, um, um. You’re even prettier in the front than you are in the back,” he said.

  “Yes. Pretty. And I also have herpes. You want some? I don’t mind sharing them. I have plenty to spare.” His mouth fell open, and the look on his face was priceless. It almost made me laugh.

  “I have more than enough to go around. Come on, get you a little bit,” I taunted him as he frowned, shivered, and literally ran in the opposite direction. I chuckled as he ran, and glanced back at me a dozen times.

  Of course I didn’t really have herpes, but that was my favorite line to use. It always worked. Well, except this one time where I said it and the man replied, “Me too. What’s up?” That time I was the one doing the running.

  Walking on, finally I came to the one store that all women dreamed about at some point in her life. The sight of the wedding dress on display took my breath away. It was so beautiful and I could definitely see myself in something similar.

  “Can I help you?”

  “No. I’m just looking.”

  I saw her glance at my finger.

  “When is the big day?”

  “I don’t know yet.”

  “You are the second soon-to-be bride that has said that today. I just had one in a few minutes ago with her fiancé who didn’t know when their wedding date was going to be either. Well, if you need anything, let me know,” she said and then dismissed herself from my presence.

  This was the first time that I was actually looking for me. I’d been to and in plenty of weddings but soon it would be my turn. Briefly I imagined what it was going to be like on my wedding day. I’d only loved one man the way that I loved Elroy, and things hadn't ended all that well for him. So for Elroy’s sake, he had better not be playing with my emotions.

  I touched a few of the dresses with a smile and then I remembered that I might be moving just a little too fast. I still needed to see what this receipt thing was all about first. And why he’d felt the need to lie about being downtown that day.

  After a few more stops, at a few more stores, finally I headed towards the EXIT sign and smiled as the breeze caressed my face. It was the beginning of Fall and I just loved the weather and knowing that holidays and family fun was right around the corner.

  Reaching my car, I threw the bags into the trunk. The sound of kids laughing caused me to look behind me and smile at them.

  Wait a minute. Something caught my eye.

  Is that Elroy’s car?

  Shutting my trunk, slowly I walked over to the car and around to the back to look at the license plate.

  ELL-0077.

  Humph! I thought that he was working over?

  I paused to call his phone. He did
n’t answer.

  I used my key to get inside of the car and I looked around. There was nothing out of the ordinary, so I called him again. Just as I was hanging up, the ping sound told me that he had probably sent a text message. I was right. But he was going to wish that he hadn't.

  “Call you when I get off baby,” the text message said.

  Call me when he get off? He was already off!

  Two lies in just a few days! Really!

  My head started to spin as I inhaled and exhaled loudly.

  Breathe Serenity. Just Breathe.

  Kill Serenity. Just Kill!

  No! Wait. I take that back. Not kill. But I swear if I had a gun and if he was standing right in front of me, I would have shot him in his voice box for lying to me! That way he wouldn’t be able to lie to me or anyone else for that matter, ever again! If I would try to smother my own brother with a pillow for lying about reading my diary, surely I would do far more than that to Elroy for insulting my intelligence and lying to me as if I was nothing. As if it was okay! He’d lied to me like it was easy! And if he was lying, then that meant that he was hiding something. And it scared the shit out of me to even ponder what it was!

  Seeing red, I contemplated on what I wanted to do next. I didn’t know if I wanted to go back inside of the mall, hunt his lying ass down and make a scene and try to fight him. Or maybe I should just wait and be sitting in his car once he returned to it. My mind was racing and my heart was beating so fast that I was sure that the angel of death was somewhere watching me. Waiting on me to croak over and die.

  Elroy was lying to me! Why was he lying to me?

  Why in the hell was he lying to me!

  Furious because I couldn’t answer my own question, I tried to control myself but I couldn’t. And honestly, after staring at his precious car for a few more seconds, I didn’t want to. With that being said, I balled up my fist, with my keys in my right hand, and punched his driver’s side window with all of my might.

  “Liar! I! Hate! Liars!” I screamed as I punched it again and again and finally the glass shattered. Blood oozed from my hand, but it didn’t stop me from screaming and kicking his car until people started to stop and stare.

  I noticed one woman taking out her phone to record me, so I turned my head. Logic started to kick in, just a little, and I remembered that I had a career, and causing a scene wasn’t ideal for me. Causing a scene was bad for my image, so I spit on Elroy’s car and walked away.

  Speeding out of the parking lot, all I could think about was the war that Elroy had just started and he didn’t even know it yet. He wanted to lie? To me? Oh, I was going to show him what lying to me would get him! I was the wrong woman to be playing games with and trust me, on everything that I loved, he was about to find out why!

  ~***~

  “I just stopped by. You haven’t been answering my calls,” Dion said. He had let himself in. He was pretty much the only person that I considered a real friend, so he’d had a key to my house even before Elroy and I had started dating.

  My house was a gift from my parents for graduating law school and so was my $200,000 car. So basically for the past three years, I hadn't really had to buy or purchase anything. I already had it, and considering that Elroy paid all of the other little stuff, my bank account was loaded.

  “Serenity? Do you hear me talking to you?”

  I finished my make-up, and turned to face him.

  “Yes. How was your trip?”

  “Fine. Now what’s wrong with you?”

  “I’m fine, Dion,” I said but my voice broke.

  I wasn’t fine. I was everything but fine. But he was the last person that I wanted to know that.

  He walked closer to me and put his arms around me.

  “What’s up? Tell me,” he said and I laid my head on his shoulder. Had he not gotten married before I was ready to settle down, I probably would have given us a real chance. He was pretty cool. Decent looking. And he had a good job. But those thoughts weren’t even worth entertaining. I adored his wife and his kids, so we would never be anything more than just friends.

  “Whatever it is, you will be okay. I’m here for you whenever you are ready to talk, okay?” he assured me.

  He pulled away from me and I looked at him. He stared boldly into my eyes, almost making me uncomfortable. I could see that he was being sincere and I could see that he cared about me and though it was completely out of line, for some reason I wanted to kiss him. I couldn’t explain it. It was just some kind of energy between us that seemed to be pulling my face closer and closer to his, and he didn’t seem to be moving away from me. No. I was just mad at Elroy. I was emotional and caught up in my feelings. That’s all. I shook my head knowing that we couldn’t cross that line. And I was sure that he felt the same way too.

  “I have to go. My parents are waiting on me.”

  A few minutes later, I arrived at my parent’s house for Sunday dinner.

  “When will the wedding be?” My grandmother, or my abuela, as she liked to be called, asked.

  I wasn’t in the mood to answer any questions, especially ones that I didn’t have an answer to, or ones that pertained to Elroy. I wanted to say that I would much rather be planning his funeral than to be talking about a wedding, but I decided against saying my thoughts aloud. Still yet, she was waiting impatiently for my response so I knew that I didn’t really have a choice but to say something.

  “I haven’t set a date yet.”

  “Why?”

  “Haven’t thought much about it.”

  “A woman gets a ring but doesn’t think much about a wedding? First time I’ve ever heard that,” she replied as my mother and two of my sisters snickered. I didn’t bother to comment. She ranted in Spanish for about thirty seconds and then she spoke in English again.

  “So what happened to your hand?”

  My hand was still bandaged up. Of course once Elroy got to my house that night and saw me, he knew that I’d been the one to bust out his car window.

  “I’m going to ask you this one time and one time only. Why are you lying to me Elroy?” I’d asked him as soon as he’d walked into the house that evening, unaware that the lie that he had started to tell about his window getting busted out at “work” wasn’t going to cut it. He’d stopped mid-sentence once he saw my facial expression and my hand. I mean, he was making up a whole story and everything! And for the first time, ever, I got to see what kind of liar I was dealing with and I felt deceived. I had my secrets, I even had my lies, but they didn’t involve him. I’d been nothing but good to him. Yet obviously he had probably been lying to me for who knows how long. He was just now getting caught. And he knew it too.

  That night we’d gone back and forth for over two hours, and still he wouldn’t admit to anything. All he’d said was that he’d decided to leave work instead of working overtime and wanted to go by the mall. But even if that had been the case, why wouldn’t he have called and told me or answered my calls? But yet he sent a text, saying, lying about still being at work.

  I was no fool, trust me. We both knew that he was lying or even hiding something but he wouldn’t tell me the truth no matter how much I threatened him or cursed at him. And since that day, and after I’d called him everything but a child of God, set his clothes on fire, threw a knife at his head and chased him out the front door with a bat, I hadn't seen or spoken to him since.

  Just out of curiosity, I’d rode by his house a few times and most of the time he was there. But no matter how many calls and texts he sent my way every day, I wasn’t talking to him until he was ready to be honest with me. I was going to ignore him until he was man enough to admit to his wrong and give me the truth because the way that my mind and my hidden temper were set up, I was bound to catch a case, embarrass myself, ruin my father’s reputation, and end up in somebody’s prison. So it was just best for me to stay far, far away from him.

  “What happened to your hand?” she repeated her question.

  “I
had an accident,” I lied.

  “Well could you accidentally get pregnant? Soon? What are you waiting for? Until I’m dead?” My grandmother asked. She too had birthed ten plus kids and she was the most family oriented person on the planet and had been pressuring me to have a baby for the last five years.

  “I’m coming abuela. I’m coming grandma,” I said as my phone started to vibrate. Before she could ask me anything else, I excused myself and answered Elroy’s call for the first time in what seemed like forever. I’d rather argue with him than to continue getting grilled by her.

  “What?” I asked walking outside.

  “Where you at?”

  “Why?”

  “I’m on my way to your house. Meet me there,” he said. “Meet me there now.”

  I didn’t bother to go back into the house to say goodbye. Instead, I got into my car and headed home. Maybe he was going to tell me what was really up this time.

  For the most part we’d had a good relationship.

  A good friendship. Good communication. Good sex. And most of the time we were on the same page. So, I couldn’t understand why he was lying to me all of a sudden. I mean he’d just proposed. Why start messing up now?

  Being honest with myself and seeing beyond the situation, though I was angry, I knew that I could probably forgive him. Depending on what it was. I mean, I loved that man. I loved him more than I could even put into words. I really did. But I wasn’t going to let him sit around and lie to me. I would make him my fool before I played his.

  As I sped down the road, I was somewhat reminded of the day that I’d contributed to killing my college boyfriend, Rodney.

  Rodney and I had started dating my sophomore year of college. As I said, I was a big, big girl and always had been. I’d been teased about being big all of my life and I couldn’t even put into words how that made me feel growing up. My self-esteem was so low, that most of the time I wouldn’t even look in a mirror. I was embarrassed. I was uncomfortable. I always felt ugly and unwanted and most of the time I felt invisible; though it was impossible not to see all three hundred plus pounds of me.