The Wrong Shade of Lipstick Read online

  He grabbed the bags that he had on the sofa and pushed passed me to the front door.

  "I told you that I would kill you if you did this to me again," was all he said and with that he walked out of the front door, slamming the door behind him.

  Unlike the first time he had made the threat, this time...I believed him.

  **********

  ~* Sometimes you have to mean what you say. Sticking to your word should be a priority and not an option. Sometimes you have to live up to the things that you actually allow to come out of your mouth.*~

  Anonymous

  Chapter Ten

  It had been only a few days since Levi left but it seemed like forever. We hadn't talked at all. He, nor I, had even bothered to call each other. Space and a break may have been just what we needed. Though he was wrong about Zack and I, I somewhat didn't mind the idea of him being jealous and thinking that someone else may have been dipping in his pudding. After all, I was going through it...hell he might as well join me.

  Men couldn't stand to be played; yet they didn't mind doing the playing. He thought he was so smart and so slick but he wasn't. I had figured him and my sister out a long time ago. After ignoring mama a hundred times, I knew that the only way to stop her from calling was to answer her phone calls. It had been a while since we had spoken, so a conversation with her was long overdue.

  I tuned her out as she asked about me and told me how concerned she was for me. It tickled me that she was so concerned about my business, when she had no idea what she was getting herself into. Yes, I'll admit that I had a major attitude problem. Here lately, I had just stopped caring about anything.

  Nobody cared about me.

  "Mama, I have to tell you something that I should've told you a long time ago," I interrupted her. I knew that I wasn't in the right frame of mind to break the news to her about the Deacon, her new fiancé, but what the hell.

  "Deacon Stanley isn't the man you think he is. He touched me, in the wrong way, when I was twelve in the back room of the old church," I said bluntly.

  I didn't feel bad; it was the truth. I didn't even care if it hurt mama’s feelings or not. The truth was the truth.

  Something so many of us knew nothing about these days. For a little while, mama was dead silent.

  "Ski, you just don't go around accusing people of such things! How dare you!" Mama screamed.

  Just as I figured; she didn't believe me, which was probably why I hadn't told her in the first place back then. Mama hung up on me and I slammed my phone down on the desk. I laid my head down and closed my eyes.

  I thought about praying but I didn't want to.

  I just wanted to run away.

  Far, far, far away.

  After a few minutes, I became irritated and decided that it was best for me to go. I didn't know why I had come to the store in the first place. I was in no shape or form to be around people. I guess I was just tired of sitting at home, alone, looking at the mess that Levi had made over a week ago. Just as I stood to get myself together to leave, I heard a knock at the door and in walked Charlotte.

  Just the bitch I had been dying to see.

  “Why did you call mama and say those things about Deacon Stanley!" Charlotte yelled.

  I didn't know who the hell she thought she was yelling at but it humored me in such a way that I actually let out a small, brief chuckle.

  Charlotte didn't seem to find a damn thing funny. She scowled me. I rolled my eyes.

  "I didn't lie. He did molest me, Charlotte; when I was younger. Somehow, I had put it out of my mind and had forgotten about it… until recently," I said bluntly and twirled the end of a piece of my hair.

  Dead ends...I needed a haircut, I made a mental note.

  “How does a person forget about something like that if it really happened? Or are you lying because you don't want mama to be happy? Daddy is gone Ski! Mama deserves to be happy, we all do! And okay, say you aren't lying, then why say something now Ski? Why now?" Charlotte screamed.

  "Why not? She deserved to know. You don't have to believe me; and neither does she. There's enough lies going around already without me adding to them," I said and rolled my eyes at her, hinting that I was being sarcastic; but the smirk that was on my face quickly disappeared, when something caught my eye.

  I noticed Charlotte's stomach. Either she had swallowed a pig on her way there or... she was pregnant.

  She noticed me staring and answered me before I had a chance to get it out.

  "Yes, Ski I'm pregnant. I'm a few months, and its showing a little sooner than I expected. That's why I haven't been around. I was trying to figure out my next steps," Charlotte exhaled and sat in the chair across from me.

  Pregnant? Charlotte was pregnant? By who?

  Though I thought it, the question somehow came out aloud.

  "The guy I was seeing. He turned out to be married; which explains my dilemma about keeping the baby. I don't want a baby by someone else's husband. He told me that they weren’t together when we met and that they were getting a divorce…but you know how that goes. I never asked him to leave her; not even once. When I found out the truth I cut him off and I've been just trying to figure out what to do," Charlotte said.

  I was at a loss for words. She's pregnant?

  And by somebody's husband...or was it by my husband?

  For her sake, it had better not be by Levi.

  Or she wouldn't have to worry about her little dilemma.

  "Who is the father?" I asked Charlotte.

  She looked at me as if I had asked her the hardest question of her life. She looked at me with the most pitiful eyes as if to say I already knew the answer.

  I waited on her response but she said nothing.

  So I asked her again.

  "Charlotte who is the father of your baby? Do I know him?" I could feel my heart breaking in the inside. Charlotte, my own sister, was pregnant by my husband. The truth never stays hidden too long. But for some reason, although we all want the truth so badly, somehow we never seem to be ready for it.

  I was lost in a whirlwind of my thoughts until I heard Charlotte speak.

  "I'm just so ashamed. I don't know what to do. And he just makes it worst. All of his lies and broken promises. He even made a statement that if he just killed his wife would solve all of his problems, and he could be with me and the baby. That scared me. If he would want to do that to her, his wife; just what would he do to me if I ever rubbed him the wrong way? And it all was my fault. I never wanted this," Charlotte began to weep and jumped to her feet running out of the door.

  A minute too late, I ran after her, but Charlotte was getting into her car and driving off. I stood staring out of the glass windows of the store for a minute or two to try and digest what I had just heard.

  Though Charlotte hadn't admitted it, it was obvious that she was pregnant by Levi. She wouldn't even tell me the man's name. I knew Charlotte very well and I was convinced that she had fabricated the whole story to play innocent; as though she didn't know he was married just to make me believe it was someone else.

  After all why else would she be ashamed of telling me his name?

  There was no one else close enough to us for me to judge her. Even if she had back tracked to Zack, he wasn't married and I don't see why she would go through the trouble of lying about him. And then she mentioned the husband was going to kill his wife?

  I replayed the drowning situation on Valentine’s Day and Levi's threat to me over and over again in my head.

  Were my sister and husband trying to kill me?

  Lord, what was I going to do?

  *************

  *~Trust Yourself. You are your own best friend*~

  Anonymous

  Chapter Eleven

  I felt so alone. Levi wasn't taking my calls.

  Charlotte was back to ignoring me. And mama was still upset with me.

  I hadn't left the house in three days. I was convinced that death was looking for me around ever
y corner. And I wasn't going down without a fight. If Levi and Charlotte wanted me dead; they would have to come and get me.

  I moped around the house all day in my pajamas and attempted to keep myself busy. I had called Levi a dozen times already and it wasn't even 12 o'clock in the afternoon yet.

  Truth be told I missed him; more than words could ever explain. But what he and Charlotte were doing behind my back was unacceptable---and I could never forgive either of them.

  Maybe this was a sign---that I had made the wrong choice. Maybe I should have chosen Zack all along.

  At least he really loved me.

  Enough to have sabotaged his own wedding.

  But no, I chose Levi, and look where it got me.

  I lost my husband, my sister and my bitterness caused me to lose my mama too.

  Yes, she needed to know the truth but there was absolutely a better way to have handled the situation.

  I got a stool and entered my closet.

  Standing on it, I retrieved my wedding album. The first page was like a slap in the face or better yet similar to a punch in the stomach. We looked so happy. I was so happy. I stared at the man that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

  What happened to us? How did we get here? What did I do that was so wrong? Why had he chosen to go after my sister? All of my men; past and present; seemed to want my sister. I guess more now than ever I could feel what Charlotte felt when Zack walked away from her all because of what we had shared.

  Love was a funny thing wasn't it?

  Just when you think you have it all figure out, love shows you who the boss is. I was always told that true love was worth waiting for. That real love was hard to come by but when you found it, that you should hold on to it and never let it go. Real love was something that everybody wanted but only a few us was lucky enough to find it. They said that finding a love that was true, was like finding gold at the end of a rainbow. No matter how many times you look for it; or followed its trail; it was very rare that you would find it.

  Love wasn't happiness. Love was trust. Love wasn't sex. Love was commitment. Love wasn't even marriage; it was a foundation. Love was all of those things as well as endurance, perseverance, respect and loyalty; all combined into one. True love was a gift that was often taken for granted. A gift that once opened, it couldn't be taken back or exchanged. It couldn't be returned. True love was forever. True love was worth waiting on. And I hadn't waited a long time and I thought I had found it. But I guess I was wrong. Levi was supposed to be my forever; he was my everything, my best friend.

  And now he was nothing. He was just like all the rest.

  I closed the book and allowed it to drop from my hands and onto the floor. I was so confused and alone. I just wanted my husband back. I knew that I couldn't accept him being with my sister but I also knew that I hated to be alone.

  I headed back into the living room, to lie on the couch.

  I had finally managed to clean up all of the mess. I stared at the flat screen TV that hung lifeless on the wall above the fire place. I reminisced of the day that Levi had put it up.

  It had taken him all day. He was afraid of heights and as soon as he would get to the top of the step ladder he would chicken out and come all the way back down.

  I smiled as I remembered calling him names and daring him to face his fear. Finally, he had gotten the job done and for his bravery, I praised him both with my mouth… and with my honey down south. We had made love that day right here on this very couch.

  Oh how I just wanted my life back.

  I needed my life back.

  Some time or another, I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes it was dark. I guessed all the crying had worn me out and caused me to sleep all day. But that was a good thing. I hadn't slept or eaten in days. With that being said and with my stomach touching my back and speaking a language that I couldn't translate, I headed to the kitchen to fix me something to eat.

  My phone was still on the counter where I had left it. Not one missed call. I let out a sigh of disappointment.

  He hadn't even taken the time to call me back. He was probably with Charlotte I concluded, and from my thoughts… my phone paid the price. I watched it shatter and fall to the kitchen floor. Out of nowhere, everything I could get my hands on was either hurled at a wall or smashed to the floor. Plates were flying; glasses were hitting the tile floors one by one. But I didn't stop there. Next, I threw the toaster and the coffee machine and whatever else was in my way.

  All of a sudden I heard the beeping sound that indicated that the front door had been opened and....

  And…

  “911, what’s your emergency?”

  “Help me. Please…help me---”

  ~***********************~

  Chapter Twelve

  Please come to me. Don't go into the light I'm trying to help you. All you have to do is take my hand. Come on take my hand. Why won't you take my hand? Okay, I will go into the light with you. Take me please can you take me?

  No. I can't take you because I'm dead.

  I woke up gasping for air. I wanted to lift up but for some reason my body felt so heavy.

  That was the first time that one of my dreams of the girl had gone differently. I still didn’t recognize her; but that time, she did seem vaguely familiar.

  The dream had scared me. My body was shaking. I couldn’t seem to keep my body still. I gripped the cloth underneath me but my hands were shaking so much, that I couldn’t hold on. I looked up down at them for only a second and then looking up, I saw Levi, Charlotte and Mama.

  Levi was holding mama close to his chest. Mama seemed to be crying. Levi was trying to comfort her with words of encouragement.

  Charlotte was sitting beside of me with her head in her hands. She didn’t seem to be crying…actually I thought she was sleep.

  My mouth was dry and my head was pounding. Back to back I began to feel sharp pains in my chest and in my left arm. The pain in my chest caused me to place my hand on my chest and that’s when I felt the tubes and the patches.

  "What was wrong with my chest? Where am I?" I struggled to say aloud. "Where am I? What happened to me?"

  Everyone looked at me as though I had risen from the dead. As if I was Jesus Christ himself.

  Mama immediately stops crying and ran to me. She rambled on and on about how sorry she was. Charlotte lifted up her head and reached for my hand but I pulled it away.

  Levi did… nothing.

  He simply stood there and allowed tears flow steadily down his face. I had never seen him cry. I’d heard him; but never actually seen.

  Something wasn’t right. Where am I? What going on?

  When the man in the white jacket came into the room I knew then exactly where I was.

  I was in the hospital.

  I replayed the last moments of my memory and tried to remember what had happened to me; I tried desperately to figure out how I had gotten there.

  What happened to me?

  Then I remembered.

  I remembered destroying the kitchen. I remembered breaking the dishes and throwing all of my appliances onto the floor. And then I remembered hearing the front door open and after that thought my mind went blank…nothing.

  What happened after that?

  I frantically tried to remember, but I couldn't. But there was one thing that I hadn't forgotten. I very well remembered Levi's threat to me. I also remembered my conversation with Charlotte. And let’s not forget about the drowning scenario. And then all of a sudden I wake up in a hospital…they had tried to kill me; but luckily for me, they hadn’t succeeded.

  The doctor approached me checking the machines in a hurry. He then touched me; causing me to shiver; and I attempted to move away from him, but it only caused me pain. I knew he was only trying to help but I couldn't trust anybody; especially not any of these people in this room---my own family.

  After a while, the doctor finally spoke.

  "You are one
lucky woman. The stab wounds missed your heart and everything else that is of some importance in that area. You lost a lot of blood but your husband told us it was okay to proceed with the blood transfusions. He was a perfect match; and it saved your life. Thankfully, you got here when you did, otherwise you may not have made it. We are not sure if everything will work properly, but we will know in a couple of days. This is something to help you sleep. It works pretty fast, so you only have a few minutes before it kicks in. You're going to be here a while; so rest up," the doctor said and injected me with the sedative. He checked the monitors once more and then turned to Levi; asking him if he could speak to him in the hall way. I looked at him angrily until he was out of sight. He had tried to kill me and then gave me his blood to cover up his actions. What kind of sense did that make?

  Unless it was her; I thought to myself, looking over at Charlotte. She looked at me with eyes full of sorrow and almost as if she was happy that I was going to be okay.

  I knew it was all a front. She was disappointed that I had made it through the stabbing. She thought she was going to live happily ever after with my husband; I guess I fooled her. I'm not sure but having a near death experience, sparked something inside of me. Boldness, confidence or maybe it was simply that--- I don’t give a you know what, type of feeling, but whatever it was...I liked it.

  I was tired of being quiet and from now on I was going to say whatever was on my mind.

  Starting now.

  "You tried to kill me didn't you bitch?" I mumbled. Charlotte looked at me confused. Her bottom lip began to tremble as if she was going to cry; but she didn't.

  Mama damn near passed out and fussed at me for using foul language.

  "Charlotte, honey what are you talking about?" Mama asked after she told me about my potty mouth. I hadn't heard her voice in so long, that her words were like music to my ears; even when she fussed.

  But I would deal with her later; right now I wanted answers from my so called sister.